More Hope and More Gratitude

After a severe migraine accompanied by a moderately severe mixed manic/depressive episode last night where hope was sustained only by repeating the words:

I believe.  I trust.

over and over again, I awoke this morning feeling refreshed and more like myself than I have in weeks. 

Today I am grateful for:

• watching a movie with my family last night
• playing a board game with my daughter this morning
• spending time outdoors with my family this afternoon
• not being on the computer all day until now
• not needing a nap today
• not having a headache today

and finally, I am so grateful for:

•  the fact that no matter what is going on around me or inside of me, if I truly believe and truly trust Him in a state of humble surrender, He will comfort me.

Hope and Gratitude

As I come to the end of a rocky week, I reflect on the actions I have taken during the last few days, rather than how I have been "feeling"...

I have been:

Hoping and

• reading (need to read less fiction because it is becoming a form of running away for me, which allows me to block out my present surroundings)
• reading recovery-related material (looking for THE answer to relieve me of my suffering)
• praying (but not as much as usual because I am afraid of THE answer I may hear)

• eating better
• sleeping more
• taking my meds
• calling others in the programs
• talking with others in the programs

Grateful for getting to:

• read my youngest daughter a bedtime story
• help my older daughter put a picture of her hamster, who died on Monday, in a heart shaped locket that she wears around her neck
• watch a funny movie with my husband
• have the money to pay for a vet fee and medicine for my doggie who has ear infections
• listen to others in the program share their struggles with life... ever-reminding me that I am not unique

Peace, Pain, and Prayer

This past week I experienced very isolated moments of peace of mind in which physical and mental pains were both absent.  These times included the relaxed moments just before I fell asleep and the times I spent at a meeting or sharing with someone one on one about the grace and love of God.  The rest of the time I have been spiraling in mixed manic episodes of bipolar disorder.


I have lost the ability to care for my children.  Making dinner, giving baths, helping with homework, and even being in the same room with them is normally inconsistent, however, for the last two days it has been impossible.


The same is true with my own self care.  I must force myself to eat, sleep, and shower.  The last few nights my limbs shook uncontrollably.  My daughter asked me if I was shaking as I brought a spoon to my mouth, spilling milk and cereal back into the bowl.  “Yes,” I said, “I guess I am cold.”  “I’ll go get your robe,” she said.  What she didn’t realize was that the robe would not help because the coldness was coming from with inside of me.


For a days in a row, I surrendered to the Lord, my Higher Power...on my knees, I cursed and screamed and cried, then begged and pleaded for him to help me.  My tears fell on the pages of His Book.  His Word tells me this:

  If anyone comes to me without hating his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.  Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. (Luke 14, 26-27)

This is what I heard:
God first.
Family second.
Be ready to accept persecution and suffering.


Again, turning to my Higher Power, I searched for peace in His Word and he tells me this:

Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  And let perseverance be perfect, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.  (James 1, 2-4)

I will persevere.  I am persevering.  Over the last six years I have been persevering, admitting my powerlessness, believing in a power greater than myself who can restore me to sanity, turning my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand him (Steps 1,2, and 3).  Trusting God, cleaning house (Steps 4-10), improving my conscious contact with him through prayer and meditation (Step 11), and helping others (Step 12.)


By "accident" I came across a prayer I wrote eight months ago.  It reads:

     Would you, O Lord, ever completely abandon me? Would you not ever grant my request to live in your loving peace? To beg you for serenity, sanity and soundness of mind is what I do today! This peace that eludes me is ever more maddening!
     Please, Lord, do not leave me in the hands of the demons.  Expel them from my mind.  Drive them to the depths of hell in the name of your son, Jesus Christ, that they may no longer have control of my thoughts, my emotions, my mind.  That you may control my thoughts, my emotions, my mind is my greatest desire.  That the pain and misery of this world may not entangle my soul and suck the joy and fun and happiness from my life.
    I know that you want me to have joy and happiness in my life.  I have that desire, too.  Please tell me that it is possible. Please tell me that there is a way to experience this on this Earth.  Please connect my mind to the path that will lead me to joy and happiness so that I may not cause further misery, worry, pain and suffering to my beloved family.
     Oh, Lord, I beg of you, grant my request as you see fit.  Save me from my diseased mind.  Thy will be done not mine, in Jesus' name.  Amen.

And here we go once again...

My doctor cannot seem to find the medicine that will kill the monster inside my head for more than several months at a time.  I started yet another new medication tonight...

and as I continued to persevere, His Word reveals this to me:

But if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly, and he will be given it. But he should ask in faith, not doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed about by the wind. (James 1, 5-6)

Thus, tonight, I asked Him in faith, without doubts, for wisdom so that I may continue to persevere and not become hopeless and He tells me this:

Hold the physician in honor, for he is essential to you, and God it was who established his profession.
From God the doctor has his wisdom, and the king provides for his sustenance.
His knowledge makes the doctor distinguished, and gives him access to those in authority.
God makes the earth yield healing herbs which the prudent man should not neglect;
Was not the water sweetened by a twig that men might learn his power?
He endows men with the knowledge to glory in his mighty works,
Through which the doctor eases pain and the druggist prepares his medicines;
Thus God's creative work continues without cease in its efficacy on the surface of the earth.

My son, when you are ill, delay not, but pray to God, who will heal you:
Flee wickedness; let your hands be just, cleanse your heart of every sin;
Offer your sweet-smelling oblation and petition, a rich offering according to your means.
Then give the doctor his place lest he leave; for you need him too.
There are times that give him an advantage, and he too beseeches God
That his diagnosis may be correct and his treatment bring about a cure.
He who is a sinner toward his Maker will be defiant toward the doctor. 
(Sirach 38, 1-15)

I am ill and I am powerless (Step 1) and I believe He can restore me to sanity (Step 2.)  This week, I prayed, I listened, and I meditated (Step 11).  I continue to turn my will and my life over to Him (Step 3.)  If not for working Step 3 daily, I would not be alive writing this right now because I have alcoholism and mental illnesses that all want me dead. 


Today my side of the street is clean and I shared with my sponsor about where I am at right now (Steps 4 and 5.)  Everyday this week (and many, many other times) I have been willing and I have humbly offered my petition to God to remove my shortcomings and character defects as he sees fit (Steps 6 and 7.)  


Today, I once again have "given the doctor his place" and I pray, once again, that "his treatment brings about a cure."


I humbly ask that you pray for me, too.  Thank you, dear friends.

My Higher Power, My Actions, and Miracles

I have a story to tell you…about a woman who is very close to me.  I have known her my whole life and our relationship is was dysfunctional.  (She, the victim and me, her rescuer.)  In the last few weeks, God has given me the power to stop rescuing her.


For example, when she asked how I was doing, instead of lying and saying “fine,” I told the truth, which brought about fear and anxiety in her.  I talked to my sponsor about it and prayed about it and the guilt that I used to feel for thinking that I caused worry and grief for someone did not appear.  It did not appear because the lesson I learned in the program about not being responsible for other people’s happiness finally made its way from my head to my heart.

A week later, I asked her not to talk about my story with others in front of me as if I am not even there, as she often does since I have been in recovery.  I set a boundary, which brought about fear and anger in her.  She lashed back at me with her words.  The guilt appeared inside of me and I questioned whether I had caused her harm. Therefore, I prayed about it and talked with my sponsor about it.  I was relieved to find out that I did the right thing and did not owe amends.


A few days later, a situation arose that would have normally ensued manipulative and guilt-ridden questions from her.  She stopped in mid-sentence of her first question and paused…I kept silent but was thinking to myself, “please, don’t you dare go there…”  She tried to start her question over, “Why didn’t you….” Again, she paused.  My silence persisted.  We both knew what she wanted to say.  Instead, however, she ended up saying words that I have never heard come out of her mouth, “Well, I guess it is none of my business.”  “OK,” I said with a smile and we moved on to other topics.


God restored me to sanity by relieving me from a seriously dysfunctional role that I have took part in my whole life.  I feel so free!  This miracle would have never happened if it wasn’t for taking the action these 12 step programs call for and for trying, however falteringly, to practice these principles in all of my affairs.

I am reminded of a recovery slogan I have heard a hundred times in the last four years:  “Let it begin with me.”   I am filled with gratitude and joy that this lesson, too, finally made its way from my head to my heart.

Thank you for reading and I hope that you share your miracles with me, too.

Screams, Surrenders, and Serenity

Something really cool happened to me this week.  I yelled and screamed and cried and dare I say cursed at God.  (doesn't sound very cool, but stay with me.) I took all of my anger about that which I am powerless over and brought it to the alter of the Lord with emotions raw and inhibitions gone.  I then dropped to my knees, my entire ugly human condition fully exposed, and begged God for mercy and grace and loving help.  I completely surrendered myself to Him in that moment.  You know what happened next?  He smiled joyfully at me and gave me a big spiritual HUG!

This is a big step for me, who, just a few weeks ago, took my anger about that which I am powerless over out on my husband by yelling, screaming, crying, and cursing at him.  Hubby can't handle that plus he's not my Higher Power.  I deeply hurt him and with God's grace I pray that I will never hurt him like that again.

God, on the other hand can handle me - He is the one I need to go to for Power and I believe that in going to Him with my ugliness first this week rather than to my husband, I was then able to later calmly express to my husband how overwhelmed I have felt this week and ask for his help with responsibilities around the house. 

Guilt, shame, and self-loathing keep me from being completely honest with others, especially God.  I am so appreciative of all His gifts (meaning everything good in my life) that I feel guilty to complain to Him about anything; I feel ashamed to express dissatisfaction about things in my life to Him; and I feel unworthy of what He has already given to me, so who am I to display anything but praise, glory, and gratitude to Him?  (Can you get an idea of how being abused for expressing negative feelings as a child growing up in a home with two alcoholic parents is still playing a role in my own disease?)

In recovery, I am learning to accept the fact that I am human, with negative human emotions, and human imperfections.  I can no longer hide my ugliness under the rug from God.  He knows about it anyway.  But, I can no longer pretend that I am not angry, anxious, and fearful about things in my life at times just because I am ashamed to admit that I do not fully trust Him 100% of the time.  100% of the time?  Why that is perfection!  And perfection is humanly impossible and I am sick and tired of beating myself up for not being something that is impossible to be - perfect.

I refuse to feign complete trust in Him to relieve my sufferings.  I ask Him for this relief, but always follow my request with "thy will, not mine be done."  My will would be to not be an alcoholic, have mental illnesses, and instead be joyful and serene 100% of the time. 

I do believe He has the power to relieve my sufferings but I am not so arrogant to believe that He will do it just because I ask Him for it.  I believe He does what is best for ALL involved, not just me.  The spiritual side of me is humbled and grateful for the opportunity to be used by Him, even for Him to use my suffering as a part in His divine plan.  The human, selfish side of me says, "This sucks, God, can't you do it some other way?"

So, basically, this week I told God that, "this sucks," but I will do my best to do my part, His will, anyway, because I have complete FAITH that He knows what is best.  He is THE director.  I am here to serve Him via the power and knowledge he chooses to gift to me at any given moment.  What a ride!

I am comforted by the fact that I am a work in progress.  I am reassured by many close to me and by my sense of the spirit during prayer and meditation that I am going in the right direction.  For me, that is an OK place to be.

"We may never get where we want to be, but we can always be grateful that we're not where we were." --Anonymous Recovered Alcoholic

Thanks for reading.  Loving you right where you are, too...

Fighting Friggin' Fatigue

Varying degrees of anger, all along the continuum from being minorly irritated to outright enraged, has been attacking my serenity for the last two weeks like guerrilla warfare - taking me by surprise, but quickly retreating seconds after it hits me. 

I am angry about the powerlessness I have over my fluctuating energy levels and moods swings.  As far as I know, I am doing everything I know of to take care of myself except one thing:  Get a regular sleep schedule established.  The biggest obstacle for me is that I don't want to go to bed at a decent hour.

And really that is what it comes down to - like a bratty, little kid - "I DON'T WANT TO!"  Now for those of you who care to know why I'll tell you what I think, but I could be BS-ing myself and just haven't come to realize it yet.  I have learned from experience that I do this to myself often.  But, for now, this is "my story and I am sticking to it" until God reveals more to me, which I know He will.

I don't want to go to bed and get the amount of sleep my body really needs because I enjoy the quietness at night - after everyone else has gone to bed - too much.  During this time, my mind is most creative and reflective.  During the day my body is so busy taking care of day-to-day routines, I know my mind is on auto-pilot.  It is only when there is no child needing their mommy and no husband needing his wife, that I can most comfortably and completely relax and feel peace.  And I love it so much that I just can't bring myself to end it by going to sleep. 

Messed up, huh?

(big sigh)

That's me.  But that's OK.

Today, I am grateful:

• that I don't have to be perfect
• that God loves me no matter what
• that I have a bed to sleep in and a roof over my head
• that I have children and a husband who love me and I them
• for the daily routines that I "get" to do (as opposed to "have" to do)
• for God's grace, which is the only thing removing that anger I mentioned above so quickly - with no effort on my part except to trust God, clean house (not literally, BTW, but spiritually), and help others one day at a time
• that this program IS working in my life, little by little, in God's perfect timing

Love you all.

Drug Court, 12 Step Meetings, and Questions

I chaired a few meetings recently and was surprised at the large number of attendance sheets I was asked to sign for people mandated by the court system to attend 12 step meetings.  Whatever it takes to get them there, I guess.  I hope they stick around after their "sentence" is up. 

I recently stopped hearing from a girl after her "sentence" was up.  It is very exhausting sponsoring someone who just gets a sponsor because it is one of the conditions of her drug program.  I don't know anything about how all of that works.  I was asked to be of service in the program, so I said yes, as I was taught to do early in recovery.  I think it is a good suggestion. 

Plus, I said yes with an open mind and heart.  I can't judge someone's intentions right away (although I had some suspicions based on her actions.)  Nonetheless, I gave her the benefit of the doubt.  I am sorry for her that she isn't ready yet.  I still think about her and pray for her.

Back to the topic of signing these sheets (which are usually given to the chair person before the meeting starts and they are signed and returned to the individual after the meeting is over.)  I ran into three scenarios that I wanted to put out there in hopes that those of you who chair meetings and sign these sheets will give me some feedback on what you would do in these situations:

Scenario 1:  After the conclusion of a large meeting, a man brings his sheet to me and asks me to sign it.  Since there were so many people at the meeting, I don't remember seeing him.  Would you sign it if you are not sure if he was there or could have just wandered in after the meeting was over while everyone was up visiting, walking around, and cleaning up?

Scenario 2:  On another man's sheet he lists all the meetings, with their respective dates, times and group numbers, he's been to in the last week and the chair person's signature is next to each meeting he attended.  I notice that my group's number is listed from the previous week's meeting, which I chaired, and there is a signature present next to this entry, but not my signature and I know in my heart he was not at that meeting because he is one that I notice is there each time he comes.  Would you call him out on it?

Scenario 3:  So, I have 10-15 people coming up to get their sheets after the meeting is over and I don't know who is who and some don't even have their names on them.  So, I say - "which one is yours?" and they tell me and it is confusing and chaotic and one guy says, "this one is mine" and he grabs another one and says, "that's my friend's, I'll take his, too."  Would you say, "I'll give it to your friend, where is he?"  or just let it go, knowing that his friend probably isn't even there?

Thanks for your perspectives.

A New Day of Attitude and Gratitude - with a side of Sponsorship and Serenity

I talked to my sponsor for over an hour last night after my last post.  I had so much to tell her that my mouth was moving a mile a minute.  I updated her on the past week and a half's events and as I did I could feel a great sense of relief and calm as my brain and all of it's alcoholic thoughts drained out of me like a full tub of bath water flows down the drain after pulling the plug. 

It was so cleansing and uplifting to my spirit to get all of that junk out of my head, to tell someone about everything I think and feel and do without fear of judgement, lack of understanding, or indifference. 

I share at most meetings I attend.  I talk to the women I sponsor and other women in the programs about this kind of stuff, too.  But, my sponsor is the one person who knows it all.  The whole me, not just parts, bits and pieces, here and there.  What a gift sponsorship is for me!  Syd just wrote a great post on Sponsorship that I recommend reading if you want to learn more about it.

But, before you go, I want to share with you my reflections on a meditation reading I came across today.  The prompt was a quote by Madeleine L'Engle who said, "My moments of being most complete, most integrated, have come in complete solitude or when I am being part of a body made up of many people going in the same direction."

It is then suggested to "take some time to examine yourself. When are you "most complete, most integrated"? Return to that place, that situation, to regain the healthy sense of self that is so easily lost in our world's clamor and activity."

Here is my list, in no particular order of significance:

1. when I am at a meeting
2. talking with my sponsor
3. working steps with women I sponsor
4. intimate times with my husband
5. writing on this blog and reading and commenting on others'
6. planting in the garden, specifically digging in the soil with my bare hands
7. reading the Bible
8. holding my daughter (either one) in my arms in silence

When do you feel "most complete, most integrated"? 
I would love to hear...

Thanks for reading. Have a blessed Sunday and I love you all.

Alcoholism, Pain, Autumn Meetings

I have been avoiding writing this week not because I don’t want to but rather because I don’t know where to begin. I have so many things on my mind, going through my mind, and consuming my mind that the act of coherently writing about them is a daunting task.

The biggest problem is that I haven’t talked to my sponsor in almost two weeks but not from lack of trying. She missed the meeting we both attend each week and I get her voicemail every time I call her. I am hoping to hear from her soon.

I am going through yet another medication change this week, which always comes with negative side effects such as sleep disturbances, emotional imbalance, and migraines to name a few. I had migraines everyday this week from Saturday through Wednesday along with the nausea and light sensitivity that often accompanies them.

I spent hours upon hours in bed this week with only intermittent breaks from the headache pain. Wednesday the pain actually brought me to tears, which brought me to my knees begging God for relief. And even though I only got about three hours of sleep Wednesday night, relief came Thursday and has continued through today. I am so grateful. Thank you, God!

Thursday the weather was gorgeous here. I took a walk just to feel the warmth of the sun on my skin. I invited God to go with me - I am sure he did. I usually do not go on a walk with out taking my dog along but this time I didn’t want the distraction of looking after him, so I left him at home. I think he forgave me :-)

I took my camera along instead and captured some of Autumn’s beauty.

Today I went to a day meeting, which is rare for me. The meetings I regularly attend are held in the evenings, however, since I am no longer working I have decided to go to more day time ones for several reasons. One, it gets me out of the house during the day now that the kids are back in school. Two, I can be home more at night to fulfill my responsibilities to them (dinner, homework help, baths, bedtime routines, etc.) without feeling as stressed out by trying to squeeze in a meeting as well. Three, since going to a few day meetings, I am finding that there is a whole other group of recovered alcoholics in my community that I get to learn from and become friends with.

I have gotten to know so many wonderful people in the programs over the past six years that I have started to take for granted how much I have in common with them. I remember when I first came into the program how awestruck I was as I listened to people share in meetings about thoughts, fears, feelings, and experiences that I had, too. I remember how amazed I was to find out that I wasn’t unique or some freak of nature.

But over the last six years, after going to the same meetings with the same people over and over again, hearing the same stories, the same opinions, the same old thing from the same people over and over again, I have gotten to the point of: “Yes, I can identify; yes, I do that and it doesn’t work for me either; yes, I do that and it helps me, too” etc, etc…it has become way too predictable. I think some would call this complacency. Not a good place for this alcoholic to be.

Even though the solutions and the stories and the experiences I hear during these day meeting are the same as the ones I hear in my regular evening meetings, to hear them from a whole new group of strangers is so exciting to me. I am finding people who not only have alcoholism, but who also have clinical mental illnesses. I feel like I did when I was new - awestruck and amazed to find out I am still not unique nor some freak of nature.

God is good. He is working in my life. Sometimes I see it, feel it, know it. Sometimes I don’t but not because he isn’t here but rather because I am not here (i.e., mentally in the moment.)

Today, I am here and for that I am so grateful! Tomorrow, who knows? I’m not there yet.

Love you all. Thanks for reading and I hope you have a blessed weekend.

Depression, Anxiety, Alcoholism, Addiction, Solutions

We spent the weekend out of town visiting friends. I love my friends and I love their kiddos. Even though, we always have a blast, what I don’t love is the extremely high levels of stimuli in a house full twenty people for 36 hours. Maybe someday I won’t feel so anxious and overwhelmed by the noise and hustle and bustle of these get-togethers.

I didn’t use to feel this way before we all started have kids ten years ago. I didn’t used to when I was still drinking 7 years ago. I didn’t use to 3 years ago when my anxiety and major depression disorders where under control. But, now and for the last two and a half years, despite working my 12 step programs and continuing to work with my doctor on medication options, I still experience symptoms of the aforementioned mental illnesses daily.


My doctor told my husband and me this week that 53% of patients on antidepressants continue to experience symptoms of anxiety and depressive disorders even while on medication, although the medication does make the symptoms less intense. The other 47% are completely relieved of their symptoms once on medication. She also said that it is common in women for the mental illness to get worse as we get older due to hormonal changes after childbirth and during pre-menopause and menopause.

As I wrestle with the effects of “chronic, recurrent depression” (as my doctor put it) --and I mean the biological, chemical imbalance of neurotransmitters in the brain type mental illness-- and alcoholism, which 12 step program literature describes as a spiritual illness or a sickness of the soul, I often feel like they tag team me. The most frustrating aspect of having both mental illness and alcoholism is when my symptoms worsen, I wonder if it is because I am slacking off in some part of my spiritual program or is it because I need to talk to my doctor about the possibility of medication burn out (it has been proven in research that psychiatric medicines will loose their effectiveness in many patients after they are on them for some time.)

I spoke with my sponsor about this issue and she, who has both depression (although completely controlled with medication) and alcoholism (recovered via a 12 Step program for 27 years now), said that for her, when behaviors and/or symptoms continually occur over and over again or repeatedly for many days or weeks in a row, especially when they are unrelated to any identifiable triggers or stressors that are out of the ordinary, she calls her doctor about it.

On the flip side, when symptoms pop up during specific instances and then shortly pass as a result of working the steps, she attributes these to her character defects versus symptoms that require medical attention. This has been my experience when dealing with character defects as well.

My experience has also shown me that my symptoms of mental illness, on the other hand, do not pass without medical intervention and most importantly, not only do they not pass, but THEY GET WORSE and keep getting worse to the point that I have thoughts of harming myself.

My life is good. I have a supportive, loving husband, two healthy, loving kids, an extended family that would do anything for us, and a host of friends both in and out of the programs who would also do anything for us. My relationship with God is the best it has ever been since I started drinking, quit drinking, and now don’t drink at all. I am well-taken care of by caring, competent doctors. I do service work both in and out of the program. I work the 12 steps daily. I have no resentments at the moment nor do I usually and most days I am not fearful of anything or anyone.

So, why do I still get overwhelmed/over stimulated and fatigued when I am around a lot of people for any length of time, or when I am out of my daily routine, or when I am gone from the house for too long, or don’t have hours of time to spend in complete silence everyday? For me, I think it’s a chemical-brain thing.  But, honestly, I don't know anything for sure.  And…

It’s ok. I’m ok with it. I accept this. I accept me. I love me just how I am because I know that God loves me just as I am and I believe his will for me is to love myself just as I am and to also love others just as they are. What a wonderful gift! To be loved and to be able to love - just as we are...just like God does.

And if you have depression, anxiety and/or bipolar disorders like me, you’re ok, too. I know it hurts. I know it’s painful. I know that sometimes you feel like you cannot bear it one more day.

When I am in the depths of these emotional abysses, I have to force myself to call someone, my sponsor, a trusted friend, a spiritual advisor, my husband…and always my doctor if I start to have thoughts of suicide.

I have to force myself to ask God what is it he would like for me to learn about myself?

I have to force myself to thank God for the pain, knowing that someday, as he already has many times in the past year, he will send others my way who will need someone’s help…someone who has experienced and lived through the type of pain they are in…someone like me.

For me, while mental illness and alcoholism may manifest themselves in similar ways, they have different causes if the mental illness is biologically based (meaning the brain is lacking in certain chemicals that regulate moods.) I am and always will be first and foremost an alcoholic. I work a 12 step program to treat my alcoholism. I also have mood disorders caused by chemical imbalances in my brain for which I take medication prescribed by my doctor . I thank God for both solutions. I need both solutions.

Finally, I must humbly admit that I don’t know anything. I believe that all I am really called to do is to share my experience, strength, and hope with those out there who still suffer. And really - don’t we all suffer at some time or another?

So keep sharing. No story is right or wrong. Every story is important because God uses our stories to bring others to him, whether we know if we do or not.

The paths to Him are many. Keep an open mind, be willing, and be honest and you will find the path that works for you. I promise you will, if you just don’t give up!

And whether I know you or not…I love you all…