Thursday, October 14, 2010

Fighting Friggin' Fatigue

Varying degrees of anger, all along the continuum from being minorly irritated to outright enraged, has been attacking my serenity for the last two weeks like guerrilla warfare - taking me by surprise, but quickly retreating seconds after it hits me. 

I am angry about the powerlessness I have over my fluctuating energy levels and moods swings.  As far as I know, I am doing everything I know of to take care of myself except one thing:  Get a regular sleep schedule established.  The biggest obstacle for me is that I don't want to go to bed at a decent hour.

And really that is what it comes down to - like a bratty, little kid - "I DON'T WANT TO!"  Now for those of you who care to know why I'll tell you what I think, but I could be BS-ing myself and just haven't come to realize it yet.  I have learned from experience that I do this to myself often.  But, for now, this is "my story and I am sticking to it" until God reveals more to me, which I know He will.

I don't want to go to bed and get the amount of sleep my body really needs because I enjoy the quietness at night - after everyone else has gone to bed - too much.  During this time, my mind is most creative and reflective.  During the day my body is so busy taking care of day-to-day routines, I know my mind is on auto-pilot.  It is only when there is no child needing their mommy and no husband needing his wife, that I can most comfortably and completely relax and feel peace.  And I love it so much that I just can't bring myself to end it by going to sleep. 

Messed up, huh?

(big sigh)

That's me.  But that's OK.

Today, I am grateful:

  • that I don't have to be perfect
  • that God loves me no matter what
  • that I have a bed to sleep in and a roof over my head
  • that I have children and a husband who love me and I them
  • for the daily routines that I "get" to do (as opposed to "have" to do)
  • for God's grace, which is the only thing removing that anger I mentioned above so quickly - with no effort on my part except to trust God, clean house (not literally, BTW, but spiritually), and help others one day at a time
  • that this program IS working in my life, little by little, in God's perfect timing
Love you all.


  1. Oh yes I can relate! You need to have a parenting session with the part of you who is shouting rebellion. I have a teen part to me who's voice can shatter glass.She is capable of going to street fights and any other rally she deems worthy.The catch is she (and her younger counterpart ) cannot see the present.I have to communicate the facts. It takes effort and time to strike a deal but compromise can be reached.Limits and leway can be struck, balance achieved as long as honesty and loving abundance are in full supply. You can do this I promise
    "Don't quit before the miracle

  2. thanks for the pep talk izzy. it makes sense...

  3. Marie i can relate to some of what you feel...night time is a creative and quiet time for me as well....i have been having fatigue problems as well...i have baker's cysts in my knees and getting around is wearing me out these days...i hope you get some rest this weekend and some renewed peace and joy. I think you are awesome! :-)


Thank you for sharing!