quoteflections: Gratitude is not for Wimps

quoteflections: Gratitude is not for Wimps: "A team of psychologists is researching the science of gratitude and collecting evidence that it enhances one's quality of life. 'Far from ..."

Ok, all you program people - you have got to read this.  My only comment is that I am glad the medical field is finally catching up with what us drunks learned a long time ago.  Geesh!  Just another thing to be grateful for, right? ;)



Here are some highlights from Paul C.'s (blog author over at quoteflections) post:

"Far from being a warm, fuzzy sentiment, gratitude is morally and intellectually demanding, it requires contemplation, reflection and discipline. It can be hard and painful work." ~ Professor Robert Emmons, one of the study's researchers.

Damn right it's hard and painful work!!! (<-----that comment is mine.)


Additionally, Paul C. writes:

"In (Emmon's) book he discusses 10 strategies to cultivate gratitude which include keeping journals, remembering the bad, learning prayers, appreciating one's senses, going through the right motions which will lead to positive emotions."


This just gave me a chuckle - in a good way - as well as made me grateful that people, both in the rooms of recovery and in the normal world, continue to spread the message about the benefits of an "attitude of gratitude."


One last thing...I just recently found Paul's blog and I thoroughly enjoy it.  quoteflections is "a regular eclectic mind fix," as stated in its subtitle. 

Thanks, Paul.  I am grateful for you and your blog!

Recovery is a Boat Load of...

I never get tired of reading this excerpt from a talk given by Clancy I.
from Venice, CA.  I hope that you enjoy it as much as I do.

The Invisible Boat

The curse of alcoholism is that eventually reality gets bad enough so you have to drink and the curse of drinking is that eventually it gets bad enough that you have to get sober. That combination is called alcoholism. It doesn’t make any difference if you’re the man who put the flag on the moon or if you’re the man who came out from under the bridge, if you’ve got it there’s no way out because you cannot make sustained reality. Because every time alcohol works for you, it interferes with your ability to live in reality. It distorts perception, and that is why it’s such a difficult thing to treat.

There’s been a great deal of controversy over the years about treatment centers. Old-timers who got sober years ago are not very pleased with the treatment center concept. “We got sober and, by God, we stayed sober.” And they did. It’s just difficult.

And, for my first 15 years, I hardly wanted to talk to people who came out of treatment centers. I thought they were jerks. As I’ve gotten a little more sophisticated, I’ve come to realize there’s a difference. There are good treatment centers and bad treatment centers. But it’s hard to tell which are which, and your life depends on deciding which is which. You think, “Why would anyone want to go to a treatment center anyway?”

The best analogy I’ve been able to think of is it’s like going up to Lake Superior, say Ashland, and say I want to go to Canada. And there’s a nice little yacht sitting there with attendants in their white uniforms, and you smell dinner cooking, and they say, “Won’t you come with us on the S.S. Treatment Center?” And you say, “Maybe.”

And over here are two guys lurking in the underbrush along the shore, saying. “We’re from A.A. You want to come with us in our invisible boat?” Nobody in their right mind is going to get in an invisible boat if they can get on the treatment center boat, I’ll tell you.

So you get on there and you’re glad. It’s comfortable, it’s nice, it’s warm, and they feed you and it’s good. And the only problem is you’re just about in sight of the shore and they say, “Well, this is where we turn back. Gotta go back and get another load.’ “What am I gonna do?” you ask. “Well, just swim like hell.”

And you’re out there swimming and crying, and here come those two goofs in their invisible boat. “You want a ride, buddy?” “I’m not that sick.” And pretty soon you’re drowning and here they come again. “You want a ride, buddy?” Choking and sputtering, you say “yeah.” You get in and as soon as you dry off, you realize “This is stupid. There’s no boat here. We’re floating in midair. This is goofy.” “What am I supposed to do, you guys?” “Grab an oar and row.” “You’re crazy. You’re crazy.” And right then, anybody with sense says “Adios, pal.”

And finally you’re drowning one more time. “You want to get in our boat?” Choking and sputtering again, you say “yeah” and get back in. “What do you want me to do?” “Grab an oar and row.” “Oh, you silly idiots!”

And the irony of A.A. is that as you begin to row, the boat appears. But it doesn’t appear until you begin to row. And you’ve got to be desperate to row an invisible boat. That’s what sponsors are for. They come along from time to time and say, “Hey, goof, you’ve got your oar upside down.” As you row the boat appears. If you keep rowing long enough, you get a very fine craft. Pretty soon it exceeds the S.S. Treatment Center. Pretty soon it gets to be as big and as nice as you want to make it. And the only sad thing is no matter how long it takes, when you start to rest on your oar and don’t row, it begins to disappear again. And if you wait long enough on rowing, you’re back in the water.

That is why people with 25 or 30 or 50 years of sobriety get drunk. Because they’ve got where they want to be and there’s no sense in rowing anymore. “I’m there.” And that’s the function of A.A., to encourage and re-encourage one another to re-commit ourselves to keep rowing no matter how well I’m doing, to just keep rowing. And that’s what the boat is about.

The function of A.A. and its Steps and its sponsors and these actions and involvement is not to make you wonderful. They’re to do something infinitely more complex. They are to upgrade your perception of reality. You’ve got to look at the same things and over a period of time see them differently or they get so depressing you can’t handle it. And you’ve got to keep going and you’ve got to keep trying this.

And, unfortunately for you and me, no matter how you work the program, you will never rise above a basic human being. And human beings are weak and fallible and cross and emotional. No matter how spiritual you get.

And the difference between the “good” treatment center and the “bad” one is simply this: The bad treatment center leads its patients into believing that they are now well enough to swim for the far shore on their own or, in other words, to leave treatment with enough knowledge to insure sobriety on a long term basis. The “good” treatment center may perform the same functions within treatment perhaps but emphatically tells it’s departing patients, “You are dry, clean, fed and sober. But you’ll never be able to make the far shore on your own.”

So when you see those two guys in their invisible boat, jump in and start to row, whether you believe in it or not. You’ll be glad you did.

Clancy I., Venice, CA
Reprinted from http://www.oc-aa.org/lifeline/July08Web.pdf

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"Live and Let Live"

I really learned how to "live and let live" from others in recovery and for this  I am so grateful.  They taught me how to stay out of other people's business, which has help me grow spiritually and become closer to God.

When I am not practicing this slogan then I am wasting time trying to play god in other people's lives instead of spending time improving the relationship I have with my God.  Maybe that is why we only have 24 hours in a day.  It forces us to choose between trying to run other people's lives OR running to God.  Because God knows I do not have the time to do both!


For me, this slogan means that my only concern should be about what I am doing and NOT what you are doing.  This slogan is an antidote for several character defects of mine, including but not limited to:

• worrying about other people's behaviors
• getting angry at others because of their behaviors
• judging people's behaviors
• giving unsolicited advice to others about their behaviors
• trying to manipulate or control the behavior of others
• loving conditionally, rather than UNconditionally

I also find that when I am able to live and let live life gets simpler, less stressful, and a lot more humorous.

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A Week of Gratitude - Day 5

Today, I am thankful for:

~ Step Nine's healing power

~ funny movies

~ silence

~ my dog

~ just being (versus doing)

~ the fact that my recovery program is a "we program," which means it doesn't work when I attempt to do it alone

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Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand. ~Emily Kimbrough

Sunday Gratitude

Today I am thankful for (in no particular order of importance):

• the opportunity to share my story at a meeting this weekend
• the blisters on my hand reminding me that I finally finished cutting and pulling the weeds in my new garden area
• the opportunity to spend time with my kids today even if we do stuff they want to do rather than what I want to do
• my plans to go to my home group meeting tonight
• once again, air conditioning ( 100 degree weather here )
• having a relationship with God

I am never sure when I share my story if I help anyone or not.  Thankfully, this is not a worry of mine (anymore) because I have learned in the program that I am only responsible for taking the action and that the outcome is none of my business.  What a freedom!  So, with tongue-in-cheek I end this post with the picture below.  Happy Sunday, everyone!

We are not a Glum Lot

"We are not a glum lot" is a quote from Alcoholics Anonymous big book.  I forget to use this slogan in my daily recover quite often.  As, a child of alcoholics, I have learned that I take myself too seriously most of the time.  I worry too much about doing things right, being perfect, especially when it comes to my role as a mom, wife, and sponsor.  My anxiety comes from a fear of not doing or saying the right thing and of disappointing others or causing them harm.  I am very hard on myself.  So, in light of bringing some humor to my day today, I feel a nudge to tell you about two different conversations I had with my five year old daughter recently.

While eating corn on the cob at dinner:
Daughter:  Mommy, how do they get the corn to stay on the cob?
Me:  It just grows that way, honey.
Daughter:  I think they glue it on.

While brushing our teeth this morning:
Daughter:  Mommy, why is that thing hanging down in the back of my mouth?
(She was referring to her uvula and I honestly, I didn't know what it's function is until I looked it up)
Me:  I'm not sure.
Daughter:  I think it is there so the food can go down one side and the water goes down the other side.

Makes sense to me - LOL!

Also, did you know that some people pierce their uvula? 

Now that's funny.

I also feel nudged to tell you about dAAve's blog, which gives me daily doses of humor.  Thanks, Dave!

I am grateful that I don't have to take myself so seriously all of the time.  I am grateful that I have friends that remind me.  Easy Does It... 

Friday Flash 55 entitled "Rabbit's Big Win"

He lays on his side and sleeps.
A furry, honey-colored body pillow,
Long, soft, and warm with
Rapid diaphragmatic breathing.
His hind leg begins to twitch --slowly,
A little faster,
He’s off
Full speed ahead!
A defeated whimper escapes like a air bubble popping at the water‘s surface.
You’ll get that rabbit next time, Boy!

Friday Flash 55 is hosted by G-Man

Sunday 160 entitled "Angel Games"

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If thunder is the angels bowling, lightning is their fireworks and rain tears from laughing so hard. Imagine them on their trampoline clouds and rainbow slides!

Want to try a Sunday 160? Visit the Monkey Man for "Da Rules"

The Addict In Me

Well, I have had enough fun with the new Blogger Template Designer - FOR THE LAST 2 and a half HOURS (while watching 3 shows with my husband - so not a total waste!)  Creativity is addicting.  So is research, writing, reading, scrapbooking and organizing and ...well, let's just leave it at the obvious fact that I definitely have one of THOSE personalities!  I love me, anyway!

Friday Flash 55

Not usually felt
In the tactile sense
But today that little bugger’s
Bite made me wince.

A smack on it’s head
Is what I provided
But not before
In my blood it delighted.

“Damn, mosquito!” I thought
With a scowl on my brow.
So, I sprayed on the deet
Then yelled, “Come get me now!”

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Friday Flash 55 hosted by G-Man

"I want every girl in the world to pick up a guitar and start screaming." ~ Courtney Love

Two years ago my husband bought a guitar for me because I told him that I wanted to learn how to play one.  I still do.  I messed around with it a few times when I first got it but had trouble even getting my hand position correct on the strings.  Every time I pressed down to strum a cord it would make that horrible ping-sound, which let me know that my fingers were touching adjacent strings.  Plus, after trying for a short while, my finger tips became so tender and painful that I just gave up. 

So, there ya go, Ms. Courtney Love...this girl picked up a guitar and screamed!  (Probably not what she had in mind.)

Needless to say, for the last two years, I have looked at that guitar everyday on its stand in the corner of my room and thought, “I really want to learn how to play that thing.”  But the frustration and pain from my early experiences at tinkering with it keep me from trying again.  Instead of the quaint little hobby, I once thought it would be for me, it has become a monster challenge that intimidates me more than rationally appropriate.

I want to take lessons but our current budget doesn’t have room for the cost.  I have inspected a couple of self-lesson books and online resources that only leave me feeling more overwhelmed.  Maybe it isn’t the time to learn this skill.  Maybe enjoying the beautiful music of someone else playing the acoustic guitar is enough.  After all, buying a music CD is definitely simpler than learning to play the instrument myself!

What’s that I feel?  Oh, yes…those little pangs of jealousy.  “Other people can play the guitar, so by golly I will, too!” is what my crazy mind tells me.

I think recognizing and enjoying the talents of others without coveting their skills is a lesson that I am still learning.  I often want more than my “fair share in life.”  (I think that quote is either from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous or the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions book but I can’t find it at the moment. Does anyone know?)

(As a side note, I just spent the better part of an hour scanning the first 164 pages of the Big Book looking for this quote.  Yes, it is a fact that I am NOT yet cured of my obsessiveness and perfectionism.  However, I was inspired to slow down and read more thoroughly when I got to the chapter, We Agnostics, where I saw so many things I needed to be reminded of today --unrelated to my guitar woes, by the way-- Thank you, God. Thank you, blog!)

For now, I will let the guitar sit and collect dust until the struggle between what I want to do and what I am able to do dissipates.  In the meantime, I will “stop fighting anyone or anything” --including that silly guitar!  I will instead bask in the “sunlight of the Spirit” as I “trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.”

(Above quotes taken from the book, Alcoholic Anonymous, 4th ed., pages 103, 66, and 164, respectively.)   Hey, I just read the whole thing…I had to throw in a couple of good quotes!

A "Gak"- kind of Day

Tonight I am thankful for:

• God
• My husband 
• My children 
• Not losing my temper over the GAK incident (GAK is homemade silly putty that apparently gets extremely gooey in hot temperatures as it did when my daughter decided to take it outside in the 90 degree weather. Needless to say, I spent an hour cleaning it off my front porch, the outdoor furniture, my daughter and her brand new shirt, her shoes, and the mail she got out of the mailbox while holding the GAK in her hands. Uh, oh…I better go check the mailbox!) 
• Getting to cook dinner for my family 
• Getting to tuck my kids into bed 
• Getting to watch Criminal Minds with my hubby 
• My bed 
• My covers 
• My brain that allows me to write and think and learn 
• Iced coffee (YUM!) 
• My doggie 
• Air conditioning! 
• Water for my plants 
• Yummy cheeseritos that my youngest and I had for lunch 
• Love 
• My husband’s interest in the bad dreams I had last night and in how I am feeling today (my mood is not the best and I am starting a new medication tonight.)

Thank you, God, for this day!

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