Wednesday, October 20, 2010

My Higher Power, My Actions, and Miracles

I have a story to tell you…about a woman who is very close to me.  I have known her my whole life and our relationship is was dysfunctional.  (She, the victim and me, her rescuer.)  In the last few weeks, God has given me the power to stop rescuing her.

For example, when she asked how I was doing, instead of lying and saying “fine,” I told the truth, which brought about fear and anxiety in her.  I talked to my sponsor about it and prayed about it and the guilt that I used to feel for thinking that I caused worry and grief for someone did not appear.  It did not appear because the lesson I learned in the program about not being responsible for other people’s happiness finally made its way from my head to my heart.

A week later, I asked her not to talk about my story with others in front of me as if I am not even there, as she often does since I have been in recovery.  I set a boundary, which brought about fear and anger in her.  She lashed back at me with her words.  The guilt appeared inside of me and I questioned whether I had caused her harm. Therefore, I prayed about it and talked with my sponsor about it.  I was relieved to find out that I did the right thing and did not owe amends.

A few days later, a situation arose that would have normally ensued manipulative and guilt-ridden questions from her.  She stopped in mid-sentence of her first question and paused…I kept silent but was thinking to myself, “please, don’t you dare go there…”  She tried to start her question over, “Why didn’t you….” Again, she paused.  My silence persisted.  We both knew what she wanted to say.  Instead, however, she ended up saying words that I have never heard come out of her mouth, “Well, I guess it is none of my business.”  “OK,” I said with a smile and we moved on to other topics.

God restored me to sanity by relieving me from a seriously dysfunctional role that I have took part in my whole life.  I feel so free!  This miracle would have never happened if it wasn’t for taking the action these 12 step programs call for and for trying, however falteringly, to practice these principles in all of my affairs.

I am reminded of a recovery slogan I have heard a hundred times in the last four years:  “Let it begin with me.”   I am filled with gratitude and joy that this lesson, too, finally made its way from my head to my heart.

Thank you for reading and I hope that you share your miracles with me, too.


  1. Oh, I am in love with this post!

    Learning how to gently pry myself off the drama triangle (Persecutor, Rescuer, Victim) has been a stupendous gift/ accomplishment. In fact, I've been studying it so academically that I even created a "label" to hold all my posts about it! It's the subtle thing that makes all the difference in the experience & outcome of interactions.

    Congratulations! Well done! You go, girl!

  2. That has been my motto with certain family members the last year "Let it begin with me." It's amazing how different those relationships are today.

    Boundaries are still scary to me, even after practicing them for quite a few years now. There is a great book called Boundaries, by Cloud Lightfoot that has really helped me out.

  3. Boundaries can be sooo tough!
    sometimes they are a mere ripple
    and sometimes a huge mortar and stone affair. It is great when we can recognize
    them and have the presence of mind to address it; even if it takes going away praying, talking to people and THEN coming back! Thanks.

  4. This can be a struggle for many people, but you have been so dedicated in seeking God and working the 12 steps that you have had huge growth and visible miracles in your is truly an inspiration to read your blog Marie...thank you so much for sharing your struggles and miracles with us! :-)

  5. waiting for next post


Thank you for sharing!