"Happy, Joyous, and Free"

As a virus invades my children’s tummies this week, I sit and wait…to hold back their hair, wipe their mouths, and tell them, “It’s ok.” God knows a few special people in my life do that for me when those spiritual viruses, such as anger, depression, and fear, grab hold of me. However, unlike my children, rest is not the answer for my viral woes.

When not in the throws of a stomach illness, my preschooler has a zest for life. She wakes up happy, plays nice, dances and sings all of the time, seeks to learn and understand how things work, gives hugs and kisses for no particular reason. She loves to cuddle, dress up, and fix her hair. She offers people, animals, and lady bugs unconditional love and attention. She never holds a grudge, laughs and wants others to laugh, too. She likes who she is, how she looks, and accepts how she feels. She is social, likes to visit people, likes people to visit her. She is a good helper, knows what she wants and mostly does what she is told, although usually in her time. She is relaxed, flexible, and easy going. She loves life!

I am so jealous! How do I get that way? Maybe, just maybe, I can do what she does to get what she has.

• Wake up (not come to).
• Play nice (not hard).
• Dance and sing (but not in the bars).
• Seek to learn and understand (not to teach and be understood).
• Give affection (without expecting any in return).
• Get dressed and fix my hair (even if I am not going out that day).
• Love (unconditionally).
• Avoid resentments (like the plague…or this stomach virus!)
• Laugh with others (not at them).
• Like who I am (flaws and all).
• Like how I look (let’s not go there!)
• Accept how I feel (even when it is crappy).
• Visit others (especially my parents).
• Invite others over to visit me (even if my house is dirty).
• Help others (again, without expecting anything in return - damn, that’s hard!)
• Know what I want (and accept that it probably isn’t what I need or what I will get)
• Do what I am told (if I believe it to be God’s will).
• Relax (without drugs or alcohol).
• Be flexible (without being a doormat).
• Be easy going (instead of going when things get difficult).

 That’s a tall order for a drunk like me!

Food for Thought

Someone recently told me a story that made me think about the gift of sponsorship. A woman, while on vacation abroad in a country where she did not speak a word of the native language, ordered dinner by pointing to the word on the menu she thought said fish based on the waiter’s attempt to communicate what the word meant by pointing to his shoe. She thought, shoe…sole…fish. Logical, right? When the waiter brought out her food, you can imagine her surprise when she saw pigs' feet on her plate!

For me, working the 12 Steps without a sponsor would be like the example above...who knows what I might get, but it probably won't be what I want!  My sponsor is my interpreter.  She translates the principles of the program, based on conference approved literature, into a language that I can understand.  If I don't take the time required (which is always too long for me - I will always crave instant gratification) to listen, learn, process, and pray before I take action, I almost always end up dining on pigs' feet!

Hello, my name is Marie...

Over the past few weeks, I have been learning about this whole blogging experience.  Do I blog?  Don't I blog?  Why blog?  Why not blog?  After some reflection, journaling, discussion with others, and of course prayer...well you can see what I have decided!

I want to thank my friend, Cindy, who after reading a sample of my emotionally raw writings, still wanted to be my friend and to the bloggers out there who have shown me by their posts and comments that the blogosphere can be as inviting, tolerant, and supportive as my favorite meetings.

Oh, how I squirm under the weight of these "newcomer" feelings!  I know it will get easier, so I guess I will just keep coming back!