Saturday, June 16, 2012

Alcoholic Perfectionism

Who has it?
Me!  I am my own worst critic (as the cliche says.) I find that the harder I am on myself and the more expectations I have of myself then the more I expect from others. Goes to show that when something is bothering me about the actions (or non-actions) of others, I really DO need to look at what is going on within myself.
This week is a good example. I have been lonely (still not sure why); restless and anxious (probably because the kids are now on summer vacation,) which leads to mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion for me, which significantly depletes my spiritual reserves.
My expectations for myself have been very high lately. Examples, include: to be ok with groups of 11-year-old girls coming in and out of my house all day (after all, I like knowing where they are and what they are doing - i.e., control. :) I am also on the other side of a severe depressive episode, and feel guilty for not doing more than my share of the housework to make up for my lack of it over the last year (even though those expectations are mine alone, and my husband would be glad to help if I'd just ask. But, no, instead I made snide remarks and played the martyr this morning about all of the things on my plate today. Later, when I made amends, I told him I was overwhelmed and we had a good talk.)
I know that I need time to myself each day to connect to my Higher Power, and with the kids home now, I just don't get it. And that statement just made me realize why I am feeling lonely (I miss my God.)  I think I may need to work Step 11 extra hard this summer. :)
In what ways does your fear of making mistakes or of not being "good enough" cause you distress?

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Thank you for sharing!