Thursday, May 6, 2010

Reality Check

 "There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest (Big Book)"

"Honesty = truth = fact = reality (Marie)"

The trees and clouds you see in the pic below are actually a reflection on the surface of a lake.  You'll notice the plant along the bank of the lake (in the bottom right hand corner) is the same plant that's in the picture above.

One of the girls I sponsor decided to do some more experimenting. Why is it, after telling me that they don’t want to or can’t stay sober anymore, they add so sweetly, “…and I don’t want to waste your time” --like they are really concerned about me? I feel like saying, “How f---ing thoughtful of you!” But the truth is I appreciate their honesty and tell them if they find their way back to the program my phone is always available.

My nine year old daughter, who also has clinical depression, often feels responsible for my negative moods. It makes me sick to my stomach to know that she deals with some of the same crazy thoughts that I do. I feel like saying, “I know, baby, there is no hope for either of us.” But the truth is I get to know what she is going through and be the best example of the 12-step program I can be.

My husband has been more worried than usual about life stuff.  I feel like saying, “Wait a minute. You can’t get crazy on me because I am crazy enough for the both of us!” But the truth is even normal people like him feel the pain of fear and resentment.

It is a fact that I was relieved of the my obsession with self for long enough today to be there for my husband, my daughter, and for someone who no longer wants me to be there for her.

Honestly, I don’t know what else to say.


  1. I too have found myself thinking the same things about my husband, like, wait, you can't have a crisis now! I am having one! Then makes me think, when the hell am I not having one? Helps me to see things from his side and appreciate how much he must love me. More importantly, gets me out of me!
    Have a great weekend!

  2. Step 3 is where I need to be in order to stay okay. I have to let things go that are beyond me. If I forget Step 3 I do a downward spiral.

  3. I pray that your daughter find the loving and joy filled spirit that she needs to find freedom from her dis-ease as well. :)


Thank you for sharing!